Change of Plans
Of course today is 9/11/2021 and just like 20 years ago, many people are waking up realizing their plans are changing. Today, I was supposed to wake up early and wrap up the work week. It was a big deal. I was 98% finished with emails and social media for a major announcement at work. And while that is all well and good, I can’t do that today. I woke up today feeling a collective honorary silence and I trusted my intuition to to change my plans.
I feed the horses, gave Troy a kiss goodbye and closed the door behind myself in my office/studio/storage/self-help room. After meditating I opened my eyes and thought “What can I truly give to the world that might actually make a difference?” And there it was. I was staring at it… my trauma box.
That might not sound like a gift but the idea of using a trauma box as a survival tool is something that I can offer up into the great cosmic survival tool shed for anyone to use.
“I just need somewhere to put it, like a box or book on a shelf.”
My therapist agreed.
Well, I imagine that anyone who has experienced trauma can understand that being able to focus your energy on something productive can be a challenge. Trauma is not a one time event. Trauma never leaves you. It is an uninvited vulgar guest who has has over stayed their welcome.
I pondered the idea of a box for a few days and this is what it sounded like in my head: trauma, get out of bed, trauma, why won’t Cody eat the new hay?, are my jeans getting tight?, work pressure, nonprofit, a cardboard box is always an option, trauma, inbox, trauma, social media, get off the couch, shave your legs, go to bed trauma!
One morning, I had a change of plans. Don’t get dressed. Find a box. So there I was walking around, still in pajamas, looking for a box. I’m frugal so the remote control box worked. Its a pretty wooden box that I always knew had more potential. I dumped the out the contents: 4 remotes, 2 of which don’t belong to any tv in the house, spare keys to car I don’t own and half used package of Christmas tree preservative.
Out of respect to the survivors of 9-11 and honoring the magnitude of personal and collective trauma that humanity endures, I refrain from sharing what I put in my box but I will share with you that it was one of the most transformative decisions of my life: and it was just simple change of plans.
And I close with this:
I celebrate and honor the incredible strength of the Survivors of 9-11. I can’t imagine being forced to endure that day and my share my inner space for the rest of my life with the Twin Towers. I pray that everyone of them has found a box along their journey.